Six Months of Loveliness

It’s February 20th today–our six month wedding anniversary!

(I always struggle when using anniversary to describe month-based units, because it’s really supposed to be year-based units, hence the “anni” part, but since no one else seems to mind, I’ve dropped suggested solutions like “semi-anniversary” and the like.)

Taxonomical dilemmas aside, I want you to know that I am a very happily married lady.  I’m not sure how long the honeymoon phase can last, but I’m hoping for at least 5 years.    I love Matt even more now than I did when I married him, and I’ll venture a guess that he feels the same way.  We thought we had some good evidence to go on when we said “I do”, but I am still often in awe of how great married life can be.  Even though 80% of our time is devoted to the regular daily stuff, when you love being around someone, that stuff is great too.

I love giving Matt a big hug when he comes home from work.  I love that he turns off all my white noise and makes French press coffee to coax me out of bed in the morning.  I love cooking up something new for dinner and having someone to feed it to.  I love taking walks at night, and trying to understand China and take in new ideas together.  I love that Matt encourages my writing and projects and cooking experiments, and that he likes having dinner parties and brunches with new friends.  Life has this new quality of permanence and unconditional love and stability that was hard to match with shifting roommates and apartments in NYC.  (Though I am thankful for that season too!)

I’d say it’s been six months of loveliness.

And I didn’t coin that term.

I once asked a friend how married life was going, around her first anniversary.  She laughed and said “it’s been a year of loveliness!”  I was taken aback.  Really?  Isn’t it supposed to be a struggle with tears and fights over toothpaste tube use and whatnot?  Then she explained that for the first several months, she felt like people didn’t expect to hear that everything was wonderful and easy, so she would try to dig up something to appease them.  “We did argue over replacing that red magnet on the fridge…”  Finally, she just gave up.  “Married life is great!  I love my husband!  Go and marry someone you think is awesome, ASAP!”

And so I did. 

I have to say, for the record, that whomever decided to tell dating couples that “every couple has problems” and “the first few years of marriage are really hard” really did me a disservice.  I know that’s true for some couples, but the rest of us aren’t getting much press.  And that kind of advice doesn’t help you end mediocre dating relationships.  If someone had just said to me, years ago, “hey, let me level with you–dating can be easy and smooth, and early married life can be a peaceful joy that is practically conflict-free,” then I would have ended all my past relationships a heck of a lot earlier!  I’m not a big fighter myself, and I enjoy harmony and connectedness, so I would have known something smoother and more loving was possible.

Luckily, I met Matt.  And it was easy and wonderful and we fit so well, and I just knew I wanted to spend my life with this man.

You might think it’s just us and the crazy year-of-loveliness girl, but that’s not true either.  I’ve been continually surprised at how many other couples in my circle of friends are having the same experience.  It’s like the best-kept secret of early matrimony.  Nobody stands up at a party and says “we are so in love, and we haven’t run into any conflicts to speak of, and the sex is great,” because…well…that would be weird.

You have to ask.  I remember talking with two friends from my church several months into both of their marriages, and the one who was more recently married was telling us how much she enjoyed her husband.  The other one said, “oh, thank goodness, you’re having one of our marriages!” and then they both laughed.  No one had really told them it was possible either!  Another single lady and I once asked another friend, who was seven or eight years into her marriage, how things were going.  She looked around furtively, then leaned in and said “I am really enjoying our sex life–it’s kind of a recent discovery.  My husband actually had to ask me for a day off last week!”  We were both shocked, but so happy she’d told us this!

I know that not every couple has a smooth dating experience, or an easy first year of marriage.  And I don’t think that’s bad–some couples thrive on debate and drama, others are struggling with major personality differences, or have challenges to deal with up front.  I’m not saying those people aren’t happy, or that smooth and easy is the only recipe for success.  I also know that Matt and I might encounter tough decisions or have a real disagreement someday.  In fact, I’m assuming we will.  And I hope we talk and pray and hold each other’s hand then the same way we do now.

But for now–married life is wonderful.  And I want that on the record.  I love Matt Schneider!  And I’m going to make him a great dinner tonight.    Get ready, honey.